Agents We Have Heard Today
Agents we have heard today
Decry expired CBA.
Owners would love to reply,
“Kiss free agency goodbye.”
Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, disputes are the reason,
Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, we might lose a season.
Robo-umps and pace of play?
Leave that for another day!
‘Tween the sides it’s trust they lack.
Diss the fans, they’ll still come back.
Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, disputes are the reason,
Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, we might lose a season.
MLB has used two balls!
Players were right after all.
We know thanks to Dr. Wills
And her ball-dissection skills.
Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, disputes are the reason,
Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, we might lose a season.
Maybe the DH will come–
Much to the dismay of some.
The sides won’t negotiate.
Fans can only Tweet and wait.
Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, disputes are the reason,
Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, Mo-o-o-o-o-o-ney, we might lose a season.
O Little Town of Cooperstown
O little town of Cooperstown,
How still we see thee lie.
Your quiet streets ‘neath snow and sleet
Some fierce disputes belie.
The writers mark their ballots,
Prepared for Twitter fights.
The cheers and jeers of all the years
Will echo here tonight.
Controversies dog them,
They’re facing their last year.
Schilling, Bonds cannot stay on
Though both are very near.
It’s Clemens’ last year also—
Last year got sixty-one.
It’s his last call to make the Hall
Or his first chance is done.
There will be an induction
In summer ’22.
Committees picked, elected six;
‘Twas the right thing to do.
12 Days of Baseball
On the 12th day of baseball, my true love gave to me:
12 agents leaping
11 ladies cheering
10 fans a-waving
9 writers voting
8 coaches chatting
7 players signing
6 TV contracts
5 Series Rings
4 calling umps
3 rally pigeons
2 batting gloves
And a fair and a timely CBA.
Manfred got run over by a Mascot
Manfred got run over by a mascot
Leaving from a party Christmas Eve.
You might think that that couldn’t happen,
But me and baseball fandom, we believe.
When they found him Christmas morning
At the scene of the attack.
There was faux-fur on the pavement
And giant mascot shoe-prints on his back.
We’re not surprised about the owners—
‘Least they toasted him with scotch.
Now they’re gathered round the big screen:
Watching football, and betting while they watch.
Oh, sure there’ll be investigations,
But there aren’t that many clues.
At the private funeral service,
In back The Club is picking someone new.
That still leaves one burning question
Forever linked to Manfred’s name.
When they choose their baseball spokesman—
Just for business, or will he really like the game?
Scherzer the Odd-Eyed Pitcher
Scherzer the odd-eyed pitcher
Has a very scary stare.
If you tried to pull him early
You would know you shouldn’t be there.
None of the other pitchers
Ever want to call him names.
He was the guy Nats called on
When they had to win a game.
Then one startling Game Five day
Scherzer called to say,
“I can’t go, my neck is tight
Joe Ross, you must pitch tonight.”
Then all the other players
Got Nats to the seventh game.
He pitched his heart out, earned his
Ring and place in Hall of Fame!
Blue Christmas (No Baseball)
I’ll have a blue Christmas without it.
I’ll be so blue just thinking about it.
Decorations of red, but no Spring Training ahead.
Won’t be the same year: negotiations dead.
And when those blue snowflakes start falling,
That’s when baseball memories start calling.
You’ll be doin’ all right, with your Christmas of white–
But I’ll have a blue, blue blue blue Christmas.
Check the Balls
Check the balls, MLB folly!
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
Dr. Wills is right by golly!
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
Yes, the balls are made in batches.
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.
Research shows they’re not all matches.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
See the balls with different cores.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
Strike a good one and you’ll score.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
Hit a “bad” one to the track—
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.
To the bench you’re stomping back.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
CBA day now has past us.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
Hope for new one, lads and lasses.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
Can we get balls, cores and leather
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.
That play the same in wind and weather?
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Oy! To the Fans!
Oy! To the fans, the players too.
The owners locked them out!
Whatever will the beat and blogging writers do‽
Rehash the same old things,
Rehash the same old things,
And rehash, and rehash, the same old things.
Oy! To execs, the Hot Stove froze.
No deals can now be made.
Sign some minor leaguers and minors I suppose—
Sign minor league spare parts,
Sign minor league spare parts,
Sign minors, sign minor league spare parts.
When will they sign the CBA?
And players take the field?
The MLB website has all the players grayed.
And neither side will yield,
And neither side will yield,
And neither, and neither side will yield.
I’m Dreaming of a Great Season
I’m dreaming of a great season,
Just like the ones I used to know.
When the Nats were winning,
Careers beginning,
And scores that made me want to go.
I’m dreaming of a great season,
As I stare outside and wait for Spring.
May the Nats be playing to win
While pursuing that next World Series Ring.
We Wish You a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
And a new CBA!
Good tiding that’d be, to all baseballdom
Good tidings for New Years–now get that deal done!
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
And a new CBA!
Oh, bring us a fair new contract,
Oh, bring us a fair new contract,
Oh, bring us a fair new contract,
Spring training is near!
Good tiding that’d be, to all baseballdom.
Good tidings for New Years–now get that deal done!
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
And a new CBA!
For we want a fair new contract,
For we want a fair new contract,
For we want a fair new contract,
Spring training is near!
Good tiding that’d be, to all baseballdom.
Good tidings for New Years–now get that deal done!
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
And a new CBA!
They can’t play until they get one,
They can’t play until they get one,
They can’t play until they get one,
So get that deal done!
