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Nationals New Years
Nats Auld Lang Syne
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
So replay Z-man’s walk-off hits
And have a glass of wine.
And don’t forget Zuk’s walk-off blast
That night in bottom nine.
We’ll raise a glass: “L-O-L Mets”
Can do that anytime.
Now raise a toast to Jayson Werth
‘Twas worth it after all:
That flying leap that gave us hope
One day, that long-past fall.
But most of all 2019
That team made history!
We’ll ne’er forget their skill and joy
And Series victory.
I’ll raise my glass and you’ll raise yours
We’re toasting via Zoom.
We hope and pray that by next year
We’ll be in the same room.
New Year’s Resolutions for the Nationals
Dave Martinez: To have such a good year that no one questions the contract extension.
Mike Rizzo: Arrive a season’s end with the reputation for good trades intact.
Bob Henley: Send just enough runners home that the fans are only mad at you 10% of the time.
Randy Knorr: Be good enough that no one considers sending you back to AAA.
Jim Hickey: To be good enough that no one wants Lilliquist back.
Josh Bell: See Kevin Long.
Stephen Strasburg: If I’m going to get ejected, it’ll be for something more worthwhile than a comment from the stands!
Tim Bogar: No other resolution than to be ready to take over at any time. Because if Strasburg gets ejected again, he’s probably not going out alone.
Max Scherzer: Resolve to reinvent himself when and as needed.
Patrick Corbin: To only get publicity for pitching.
Joe Ross: To do anything necessary (yoga, Pilates, acupuncture, etc.) to stay healthy and effective.
Juan Soto: Keep doing Juan Soto things.
Yan Gomes: Pilates. And stretching. Lots of stretching. 2021’s season is going to be a lot longer than 2020’s.
Tres Barrera: A clean year.
Daniel Hudson: End the season with a YEET!
Tanner Rainey, Will Harris, Aaron Barrett, Wander Suero, Kyle Finnegan, Ryne Harper, Dakota Bacus, Sam Clay, and the other members of the bullpen: Leave Spring Training with an awesome group nickname (and performance to go with it!)
Erick Fedde, Austin Voth, Kyle McGowin, and all the “starters to be named later:” Listen when Jim Hickey is teaching.
Ryan Zimmerman: Not do anything to damage “Mr. National’s” reputation.
Starlin Castro: Most baseball players’ careers peak around age 30. Let’s just say 2020 didn’t count (for a whole lot of reasons) and make this your peak year.
Victor Robles: Body armor. Always.
Andrew Stevenson: Hitting slump? Take lessons from Juan Soto (and Kevin Long, of course!)
Carter Kieboom: Perform well enough that people say “Hmm, I guess the third time is the charm.”
Trea Turner: NO BUNTING. Ever.
Yadiel Hernandez: If the opportunity presents itself in the form of another callup, be ready to seize it.
Luis Garcia: Aim to be two-thirds as good as you’ve been hyped to be.
Josh Harrison: Wrangle, wheedle, or bribe someone to check off catcher and center field to complete the “played every position” bingo card.
Jake Noll: Play well enough when called up that a walk-off walk isn’t your highlight reel.
Bang, zoom, go the fireworks!
